Be More Like Jelly

I was at school, whether it was NCC or SHS I don’t quite know but I got a glimpse of what resembled the band hallway and there were a lot of dark auditoriums filled with people watching something on a projector screen. I knew everyone I saw except for this one boy who looked unlike anyone that I personally know. He was tall,thin, wore baggy green cargo pants, a green t shirt, had fair skin …… and dreads. The only reason keep bringing him up is because I seemed to have followed him. Or perhaps he followed me. In any case, he seemed to be what threaded my dream together.

I never asked him his name. I had a short exchange with him. I don’t remember word for word what we said but I remember he asked me something and I said “I have a boyfriend,” even though it probably had NOTHING to do with the question he asked. I also said something to the effect of that I was just trying to keep my strength up. Ithought to ask him his name, but didn’t. I went to Dunkin Donuts instead. I don’t rememer leaving, driving, ordering, or anything else for that matter, but I do remember sitting in the parking lot of Path Mark / Dunkin Donuts drinking a large iced coffee with my windows open when a man came to the passenger side window and asked me for something. I couldn’t help him, so he backed away, but I got the feeling he was going to steal my car. I put down my coffee, turned on the car, and started to close all of my windows. He charged the car and I thought he was going to break the window open so while I was still closing the windows I put the car in reverse to back out of my spot. I started backing out and saw another man behind the car. I knew he was with the other man. They wanted my car. There was a car in the stall in front of me, and next to me, one of the men was on one side of me, and the other man was behind me. Great. Fucking trapped. Mind you I had been panicing since the first man approached my car. I looked over and I saw the man scraped “THIS IS THE CAR” onto my passenger side window and under it some numbers that I think were temperatures. Somehow I slammed my car in the diagnal space between the two cars surrounding me. The whole time I was SO WORRIED about the car.

As soon as I got away the only thing I could think about was the car. How would I explain to my mom how I got all the dents? How much would it cost me to fix all this? I don’t remember driving back to school but I know I went back. I walked down the band hallway and that kid from before was walking next to me. I couldn’t hold it together anymore. As soon as I saw him I broke. I kept walking but I couldn’t stop crying. We had another short exchange. I still can’t remember anything we said but I know he finished one of my sentences.

The whole dream I couldn’t look him in the eye. I looked down as I walked and as I spoke. But the moment he finished my sentence it was as if something clicked way in the back of my psyche. I turned my head to look at him.

But then I woke up.

What. The flying. Fuck.

I’m rededicating this page to my dreams. Because they are nothing but insane. And because I remember them quite vividly.

Last night it started out on a clamming boat except for a few things. The cabin was all open, there was no steering wheel, it was all white, slightly dirty, oh, and it was inflatable but it wasn’t 100% inflated. It had the consistency of an air mattress that had been slept on all night. There were lots of people but no one in particular that I remember. We started loading up the boat with large objects…. and a filled up inflatable kiddie pool. Everything going on the boat was white too, but not dirty. No one put anything in the storage in the back so the boat quickly became crowded.

Then I went to marching band…. which was practicing on a jungle gym. The whole marching band came onto my boat. We started going down a river and when the river came close to a road we stopped and an Army General got on board. Mr. Romeo started talking to him and telling him about all the stuff we were doing so I was like “Well, why don’t we SHOW him what we’re up to.” So I called everyone to the ready and it took FOREVER for everyone to stop talking and people were standing in weird positions. When I finally called everyone to the ready it was really bad but everyone thought they could leave anyway but I was like “HELL NO. GET YOUR ASSES BACK HERE.” It took FOREVER to get everyone back and to the ready again. People were bent over in weird positions and really squished together. Some people were hugging. Rebecca Brodsky was cuddling someone. Then I messed up the command and it took forever to get everyone settled again. Then I called everyone to attention and dismissed them.

After that I went downstairs and saw Lauren Clymer and Catherine Clark whome were both wearing bikinis with skirts. Catherine was asking me if I saw her tattoo on her back but all I saw was it looked like she was sunburned in a stripe across her back. I started yelling that I didn’t see any tattoo. Then Lauren was saying that first she had a lollipop tattoo but now it’s a tattoo of a turkey on a cloud “for her grandma” on her boob. She tried showing it to me but I was like “I DON’T WANNA SEE IT. I DON’T WANNA SEE IT. I DON’T WANNA SEE IT” and I closed my eyes. Lauren and Catherine started cuddling. Lauren tickled my foot. And I woke up giggling.

Hello, dearie. I know you’re not going to get this message for at least 20 hours. But I can’t help myself. It’s past 1:30 in the morning. I have to wake up for work in a few hours. But I can’t sleep. Every which way I lay and lie, I think of you holding me. And then I remembered the video of you and Jon singing firework to me on my phone. It’s become my lullaby. You’ve been there 3 nights and I find myself crying when I so desperately need to sleep. I hope you had fun at camp today. I love you.

Who are we?
I could beg you not to change
But that would be wrong.

I needed a constancy to return to.
Whose star shall guide me home?
We are all forever wanderers
But have a calling to stay still.

What sinful force has driven you away?
Where does passéd innocence go?
What I lost I found in you.
Could you please, please, please tell me which way to go?

Tomorrow, perhaps, we will meet at the surface.
We will breath.
And then we will submerge again.
We live in two different seas; two different worlds.
Though connected, we are still so far.
My love and prayers shall drift tyou you;
No wave nor wind nor tide deter;
For once a friend, always a friend
Until we see the shore.

I lay awake but my conscience lays doubled over in guilt.
To see you smile would be to see both our demise.
Though heads pressed together by song,
One heart pushed away by choice.

There is no beauty in wearing this dress.
There is no beauty in this song.
I am as blind to beauty
As you are blind to me.

To kiss would be to tell.
And to tell again until acceptance is breached.
The same lips that did not kiss, shall not tell.
It is my belief that you would say the same.

I walk the line between time and character.
Tell me which way I fell.
And I will reply with where I landed.

Though I am fallen, it is you that is the angel.
Grieving and broken.
Lost and lonely.

I am not your God.
There is no God.
I will be damned.
And you will continue to live.
In our last dance.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

bracelets. lots of them. i wear bracelets everyday. i like spinning my wrists really fast and hearing them clash together.

I’ve set myself on fire.
And you’ve found yourself caught in the flames.
Have I burned you?
Have I burned you?
Melted, but not ablaze.
    

Has it not been said
That life must spring from death?
I am dust.
Place me on your alter.
    

My spirit is lost.
My body, alive.
I ask you to search for my soul within your words.
    

Please orchestrate our lives as you see it,
For it will be honest and pure.
I will not write lines for you to read.
The truth is not what you know.
Please forgive me, please forgive me.
The truth is not what you know.
The truth is not what you know.

HI SO HOW DO YOU DELETE A TUMBLR?